Just a State of Mind
by tearsofamiko
Summary: “Insanity is just a state of mind.” Tags to MASH episodes
1. Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen

Title: Just a State of Mind

Author: Tearsofamiko

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I'm a 19-year-old college student and the show began in the seventies...you do the math. :D

Spoilers: These'll be tags to episodes of M*A*S*H, short ones that'll probably require you to have seen the episode to understand.

Summary: "Insanity is just a state of mind." Tags to MASH episodes

A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus. Still no continuation of Sympathetic Fibers yet, but I haven't lost hope. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these tags, as it seems that's all I can come up with. :D

* * *

**_(Tag: Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen)_**

_Oh, God._

_No._

_No, please, it isn't--_

_God, the baby is...it can't be..._

_But, the snipers and--_

_She couldn't have..._

_I mean..._

_Not because of what I..._

Crisis averted, the bus engine restarts and he sways in his seat as the vehicle lurches into motion. All he can do is gaze in horror as the disjointed words run through his mind. He can feel the heavy stares of the other passengers, but the only thing that registers within the whirling mass of thoughts is the quiet sounds of the young woman's sobs.

_No, the baby isn't..._

_It isn't..._

_It's...a chicken...in her lap..._

_She made her chicken be quiet...because I told her to..._

_So they wouldn't hear us..._

The sun shines hot through the windows of the deathly – _huh, what irony_ – silent bus as he closes his eyes and tries to block out the sound of her brokenhearted sobs.

_Why won't she stop weeping?_

_After all..._

_It's only a chicken._


	2. Period of Adjustment

_**(Tag: Period of Adjustment)**_

He can see the pain in his friend's eye mingle with shockat his actions. He can feel the pain in his hand from the blow, knew that, like Hawkeye's cheek, he'll be sporting some impressive bruises later, as he tries to draw breath around the pain in his chest.

Pain from his latest letter from home.

Pain from knocking down his best friend.

Pain so bad he can't breathe, can't see straight, can hardly think.

He stares down at Hawk, sees the flicker of fear in his eyes and does the only thing he can do.

He runs.


	3. Heal Thyself

These weren't necessarily meant to be so somber, but the show was essentially serious, so that's what happens. :)

* * *

_**(Tag: Heal Thyself)**_

"_He was as strong as any of us." "That's what scares me."_

It's quiet in the Swamp that night, the day's events sobering in their weight. Pulling his eyes away from his quiet contemplation of the canvas over his bed, BJ turns his head to watch his tent-mate as he paces. Seeing the emotional turmoil in the very air around his friend, he tries to figure out exactly what to do as Hawkeye sits heavily at the end of his cot, his head hanging between his stooped shoulders.

"BJ?"

"Yeah, Hawk?"

"Ever think any of us'll end up like Newsome?"

"I doubt it. We've all got pretty level heads on our shoulders, Klinger notwithstanding."

"...Even me?"

There's silence for a minute as they each remember the misery in Newsome's eyes, the helpless, hopeless way he'd curled up in the floor, scrubbing his hands. They both know that Hawkeye's waivered before, what with the nightmares and sleepwalking. Their eyes meet, allowing BJ to see the fear Hawkeye can only barely hide. Sitting up, he puts a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, grounding and reassuring them both.

"Even you, Hawk."


	4. Trick or Treatment

_**(Tag: Trick or Treatment)**_

The sounds almost seem to echo around him as he lay trapped in the strange darkness holding him. In confusion, he tries his hardest to understand what's happening, where he is, to whom the voices belong, but nothing makes sense, no thoughts connect properly. All he knows is that the darkness continues to press closer, an almost painfully tight blanket around his body. He absorbs the sounds in a vaguely dazed way, letting them fall onto his consciousness, then drift off without complaint.

Pieces of conversation that made no sense outside of their context.

"_...Do you know how many zoots had to be killed to make that one suit?"_

"_...I've never lost a patient. I never lose anything. Have you seen my stethoscope?"_

The crash of a large vehicle stopping abruptly against something solidly stationary.

"_Don't _ever_ race a Jeep backward, Doc!"_

The slamming of doors, both buildings' and cars'.

Footsteps, past him, around him, stopping next to him.

A voice right by his head and fingers briefly feathering over his skin.

Hearing the squeal of a truck's brakes and a muffled conversation, before words that are all too clear and a damp touch on his forehead grip his soul with ice.

"_Through this holy anointing, may the Lord--"_

He screams, hollers, yells as loud as he can within his gossamer prison for anyone to hear him, please God hear him, and realize that he's not dead! Not yet!

Pleasepleasepleaseplease--

But no sound escapes him, just a single tear from beneath one closed eyelid.

* * *

Sorry if the quotes aren't in the right order for the timeline. It's been a while since I've seen the episode. :D


	5. Welcome to Korea

_**(Tag: Welcome to Korea)**_

"_I lost my hat!" "Your cookies will be next."_

"You know, you were right."

Slowly, very slowly, so his brain doesn't slosh out his ears, Hawkeye turns his head to look over at his newest tent-mate. The other man hasn't moved his gaze off the canvas overhead, but something tell Hawkeye this isn't drunk-talk.

"I generally am. 'Bout what?" he returns, careful not to speak too loudly; it wouldn't do to anger the little man using a sledgehammer inside his head.

"You told me I'd lose my cookies. I didn't believe you, though." BJ's voice is quiet, contemplative, and Hawk knows it's not Rosie's home brew that's caused it, but the brevity of the day's experiences. "I shouldn't have gone to that guy. I should've listened to you. But, _dammit_, we've got to try!"

The comment is a testament to the guy's determination and it brings a smile to Hawkeye's face as he once again realizes how much he likes this guy. He thinks for a minute, lets what BJ said sink in, then gives the other man the only thing he can.

"Well...at least you can say you've left your mark on Korea."


	6. Margaret's Marriage

_**(Tag: Margaret's Marriage)**_

"Margaret, I need to speak to you."

"Oh, no. Go away, Pierce. I have nothing to say to you," she shoots back, not even looking up from her mirror, where she's pinning her veil into place.

"What, I can't kiss the bride?" Hawkeye asks, freely walking into her tent, a sly grin on his face.

"Get out, Pierce!" He ducks as she lobs a towel at his head, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, Margaret, okay!" He turns to leave, tossing one more comment over his shoulder. "We'll be waiting in the Mess tent with the man in the full-body cast." Hawkeye ducks his head to hide his grin at the way she suddenly freezes.

"What!?"

"Last night, during our little shindig, your lieutenant colonel managed to land himself a plaster kimono." He chuckles, enjoying the expression on her face and BJ's cunning. "Thought I oughta let you know; might make the honeymoon difficult."

He flees the tent, giggling hysterically as her frustrated scream and the sound of something ripping echoes through the compound.


	7. Picture This

_**(Tag: Picture This)**_

_Mildred, my dear, I want you to know this painting might be one of the most difficult I've ever painted. I had one doozy of a time getting this bunch of ya-hoos together for it. They're a good bunch, though. Little crazy sometimes, but you know what I've always said: war _is_ insanity._

_All my love, dear,_

_Sherm_

Mildred smiles as she sets aside Sherman's note and unwraps the painting he sent. Holding it gingerly in front of her, she studies the faces, recognizing each almost immediately. With a soft smile and a tender thought to her husband, she acknowledges to herself that this painting of his friends and colleagues in Korea is one of his best endeavors. Studying the living room wall, she chooses where to hang it, knowing Sherman wouldn't give a hoot if it upstaged one of their many family portraits.

In fact, it'd probably make him damn proud.


	8. Old Soldiers

_**(Tag: Old Soldiers)**_

The weird music floats through the doorway as he carefully peeks into the empty room. Seeing no one inside and still curious about the music, he tiptoes over to the other door, where the music seems to get louder. Nudging the doors slightly, he sees a man sitting by himself next to the record player. He seems sad, the man in the other room, so he steps into the room and walks over to him.

He puts his hand on the older man's knee and, after a start of surprise, the two listen together to the music. Though the boy doesn't understand the man's words, the tone is kind, making him glad to stay. He enjoys the low, gruff voice, the strange music, and the comfort of the man's arms, so like the father he lost ages ago.

As the music fades to silence, the old man pulls out some candy and nothing has ever tasted so good to the boy. With a kind touch on his shoulder, the boy's sent back to the others, the sweetness of the candy, the gentleness of the old man, and the sadness of the music reverberating within him.


	9. Movie Tonight

_**(Tag: Movie Tonight)**_

The sound of gunfire echoes around him in the night as he drives his ambulance through the dark streets. He adds to the cacophony by laying on the horn as he slams on the brakes, causing the vehicle to screech as if in pain. Flinging open the door, he hurls himself out of the cab and runs for the nearest building. Strangely the shots seem louder as he grabs hold of the door and starts to yell.

"Wounded! We got wounded out here!" he hollers, then stops in his tracks as he takes a good look around the tent. "We got wounded in here," he mutters to himself, astounded by the heaped bodies revealed by the light of the video projector.

Now, just how was he going to explain to the docs at the 8063rd that an entire M*A*S*H unit had been killed while watching a movie?!


	10. M A S H: Pilot

_**(Tag: M*A*S*H: the Pilot Episode)**_

"Hawk-Hawkeye? Hawkeye, I must speak to you."

Hawkeye stops in front of the Swamp and turns to face Father Mulcahy as he draws near, a troubled expression on the priest's normally genial face.

"Yeah, sure, Father. What can I do for you?"

"Hawkeye, I simply cannot go to Tokyo with Lieutenant Schneider." The priest's upset over the entire issue sounds in the slight tremble in his voice. Hawkeye glances over his shoulder into his tent in an attempt to smother his grin before trying to console the distraught Mulcahy.

"Father, Father, Fa-- Will you listen to me for a second?" he bulldozes over the shorter man's rambling protests in an attempt to explain. Finally receiving the attention he needs, he continues. "Dish is more than willing to let you off the hook, okay? You can stay here and she'll take a friend or you can go at separate times; either way works." Suddenly, a rakish grin lights up his face. "She's just still in shock that I didn't win."

"Well, yes, I suppose that _would_ work. Yes, I do think..." Hawkeye shakes his head as Mulcahy wanders off, mumbling to himself. Chuckling silently, he turns and enters the gloom of the Swamp.

"What was that all about?" Trapper asks from across the tent as Hawkeye pours himself a drink and sits down.

"Nothin'. Just a crisis of conscience."


	11. Peace on Us

_**(Tag: Peace on Us)**_

"Margaret, I didn't know you cared," Hawkeye drawls, oozing up beside her at the party.

She bends a dry look in his direction as she sips at her drink. "I just didn't want you carried off after what you did for us. That's all."

"Sure, Margaret." The ridiculously cheesy grin he gives her draws out a smile in return. His eyes turn solemn, though his smile stays in place. "I'm glad I have you for a friend."

She bumps her shoulder against his in a companionable sort of way. "I kinda like you, too."


	12. Lil

_**(Tag: Lil)**_

"Benjamin Joshua?"

"No."

"Bartholomew Joseph?"

"Nope."

"I got it! Beauregard Jefferson?"

"Not even close." He turns his head to look at Hawkeye, whose frustrated expression has gone more exasperated as time – and names – passed. "Will ya just drop it?"

"Never! Bilious Johnson!"

"_When_ you're quite finished!" Charles roars from his side of the tent as he sits up to glare at Pierce. "As pedestrian as it may seem, will you _please_ accept that he is simply BJ?! Some of us would like to get some sleep!"

Accompanied by BJ's laughter, the lights go out and the Swamp-rats settle in for the night. The crickets' song fills the air as the silence of a Korea night drifts over the camp.

"Bradley Jamison?"


	13. Comrades in Arms, Part 1

A 'shipped tag only because of the episode; it kinda called for it. :)

* * *

_**(Tag: Comrades in Arms, Part 1)**_

More than willingly, he lets all external interruptions fade, as the warmth of her skin and the taste of her lips easily drives all thought from his head, as he falls into her a little more with each touch.

The sound of his name on her lips replacing the bombardment outside.

The look in her eyes supplanting the flares of light so terrifyingly close.

The growing warmth overwhelming the mind-numbing panic so easily accessible.

As the night explodes around them and mortality becomes a little too real, he holds her close, closer than his own heart, and prays to God it's enough to keep them alive.

To keep them sane.


	14. Henry, Please Come Home

_**(Tag: Henry, Please Come Home)**_

You know you should be enforcing the rules, at least as punishment for the stunt they pulled.

You know you should be mad as hell that you're back here after you'd finally managed to get away.

You know this, know that if you don't do something now, nothing in this camp's going to change and you'll just look foolish.

It's all very firm, very clear in your mind. But when he gives you that look, that little kid, 'Come-on-Henry-you-know-you-wanna' grin and those puppy eyes, you simply think, "What the hell" and take the glass he's offering.

You know you shouldn't but you really don't care.

Everyone wants to feel wanted.


	15. Sometimes You Hear the Bullet

All dialogue comes straight from the episode.

* * *

_**(Tag: Sometimes You Hear the Bullet)**_

"There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is: young men die. And number two is: Doctors can't change rule number one."

For a split second, he really wants to slug him for it. He can see it all as it would happen, the blow, the pain – both his and Henry's – the aftermath, play out in his head. He wants it so badly he can almost taste it, but he doesn't. Not because of the rules, but because he kind of respects Henry. So he forces himself to stand there and be rational.

"Do you really believe that?" The words are so bitter, they leave a tang in the back of his throat.

It's surprising how tired Henry seems as he answers. "I don't know. Do you?"

Both exhaustion and determination settle heavily on his shoulders even as he makes up his mind. "I don't know, but I know one doctor who can keep one young man from dying in one war."

He strides off with new purpose, his plan of action resolved in his head. He'll send Walter Petersen home -- and as many young men as he can.

Even if it kills him.


	16. Tuttle

_**(Tag: Tuttle)**_

_Dear Dad,_

_You'll never guess who showed up here in camp: Tuttle! And made quite a name for himself here._

_You see, first he donated a bunch of supplies to a local orphanage. Then, because they were so grateful, they sent a note to General Clayton, who wanted to award him a medal for his actions. Meanwhile our C.O. – Henry – made him Officer of the Day (not a big achievement) and all of Tuttle's back pay was sent to the orphanage. Fourteen months of pay, all to the orphans! What a guy, that Tuttle, huh? And everyone swore they knew him and were great friends with him, even though no one had seen him! Haha!_

_Anyway, when the General came for the ceremony, it was my sad duty to tell them that Tuttle was gone – accidentally jumped out of a helicopter without his parachute. He will be remembered fondly by one and all..._

Back in Crabapple Cove, Maine, Daniel Pierce lays down his son's letter and settles back in his chair, laughing.


	17. Dear Dad Again

_**(Tag: Dear Dad...Again)**_

It seems it's time to move on again. There are some great people here – Captain Pierce, Father Mulcahy, Radar – but medicine is losing its draw and, after all, when people catch on, it's time to move forward again.

He's grateful for Pierce's good wished and encouragement, but he's tried before and couldn't keep to the path. So he accepts their gratitude and says good-bye. Besides...

He's found a higher calling.


	18. The Ringbanger

_**(Tag: The Ringbanger)**_

"Hey! Klinger! Wait up! We've got a favor to ask!"

Klinger, a vision in pale blue and green chiffon, pauses on his way to the Mess tent. "You bellowed, O surgeons of the Swamp?"

"We, uh, were wonderin' if you'd let us borrow a pair of your shoes," Trapper asks.

"Yeah, something in a high heel, gold," Hawkeye tacks on, a distinctly devilish glint in his blue eyes.

Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Klinger studies the two men. "You wouldn't be tryin' to move in on my territory, would you?"

"Nah, relax, Klinger, you'll get 'em right back. We just need to borrow them." Something about Pierce's smile, though basically reassuring, lets Klinger know, he doesn't want to know.

"Sure, sirs. I'll have 'em for you after lunch."

"Thank you, Klinger. You're a goddess among men," Pierce responds as they head off for rounds.

"I bet you say that to all the men, sir!"


	19. The ArmyNavy Game

_**(Tag: The Army-Navy Game)**_

"Dear Dad..."

He stops and lifts his pen from the page, staring at the words. One of the most terrifying things had just happened in the camp and he feels some obligation to at least tell his parent.

"You'll never guess what's happened here at the 4077th."

Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair, reliving the terror of the moment and the joyous relief afterward. Then he thinks about how much his dad worries, how upset he was when the draft letter arrived.

"Once again, Father Mulcahy won the camp's betting pot. You see, the Army-Navy football game was this week and..."

He'll tell him later.

Maybe.


	20. Sticky Wicket

_**(Tag: Sticky Wicket)**_

He's never seen Hawkeye like this. They've all had difficult patients and they've all lost kids, but nothing's ever gotten under Pierce's skin like this before. Sleeping in Post-Op, punching out Frank – though they've all wanted to at one point or another – moving out of the Swamp, refusing the gin McIntyre brought him; it's not like Hawk at all and it's beginning to worry Henry.

Maybe some tough love will help. Maybe not.

But Henry gets the feeling that Thompson better make it or he'll be looking for a new surgeon.


	21. Ceasefire

_**(Tag: Ceasefire)**_

"_It's the same story in every war. The big guys, they yell 'ceasefire,' there's dancing in the streets, then they pull the switch and it all starts over again."_

That evening, as they lay on their cots with drinks in hand, Hawkeye turns to look over at Trapper. There's exhaustion in his demeanor and sadness in his eyes, eyes no longer the same pure blue they'd been before. His whole body screams out his disappointment, but nothing shows it clearer than the now slightly faded, slightly bitter blue of his eyes.

"You know, I hate it when you're right."


	22. Showtime

_**(Tag: Showtime)**_

_So that's the way he wants to play it, huh? _Blinking water from his eyes, Hawkeye moves to change, outwardly ignoring Frank's giggles. To acknowledge Frank's prankster phase would be to dignify the man and that's something Pierce refuses to do. Striding from the tent again, he stops near the USO crowd and considers his options. Anything too elaborate would be difficult to pull off without Trapper or Radar, but simple tricks are okay. Glancing around the camp, his eyes alight on the Officer's Latrine and an idea begins to sprout. Eyes glittering maniacally, he heads off to set his plan in motion.

"Oh, Corpsman!"


	23. Major Fred C Dobbs

_**(Tag: Major Fred C. Dobbs)**_

It's quiet in the Swamp the next day, a lull in the war welcomed by all. Moving his checker, Trapper glances over at Frank, then nudges Hawkeye's arm. Blue eyes flick a look across the tent as Hawkeye grins at his friend.

"Hey, Frank. You know, we really are glad you decided to stay," Trapper says, not taking his eyes off the game board.

Frank glances up from the cover of the Bible he's just pulled off the shelf. "Honest?"

"Yeah, Frank." Hawkeye's voice is slightly strangled as he watches Frank struggle to open the (glued) book's cover. "After all, who would we tease if you left?"


	24. The Longjohn Flap

_**(Tag: The Longjohn Flap)**_

He sleeps wonderfully that night, warm for the first time in days. Never again will the longjohns leave his body, he vows, stretching. Throwing back the covers, he stands to pull on his pants and immediately realizes something's wrong. Trapper's laughter confirms his suspicions.

"You lousy creeps! So many of you wore 'em, they stretched out!" he roars at the camp in general and Trapper in particular as he surveys the damage. Ankles loose around his, knees sagging, butt and stomach stretched out; nothing of the original shape and fit remains.

"Guess now you'll have to suffer with the rest of us," Trapper crows from beneath his blankets.

"Never I refuse! I--" As he raises his arm, both shoulder seams split, effectively ending the garment's usefulness.

Trapper can only howl at the disgusted pout on Hawkeye's face.


	25. Dear Dad

_**(Tag:**_ _**Dear Dad)**_

They sure don't warn a guy about these things, is all he can think as he gasps for breath on the floor amid the ruckus. He's barely got it back when he's sending Klinger away and picking Major Burns off the floor. He's dealt with fights before, back at the seminary, but there's something different this time.

Immediately he knows what it is, as he catches Klinger with a live grenade seconds later. He wonders how this'll be explained as he tries to reason with Klinger but the thought takes a backseat to placating the corporal and praying for help. As he feels the weight of the grenade settle into his hand, he can't believe the relief in his chest and resolves to do whatever he can to help Klinger, because he'd really like not to be on that side of a grenade again.


	26. I Hate a Mystery

_**(Tag: I Hate a Mystery)**_

The silence is the worst part of the whole thing. He could live with the public's low opinion of him, could deal with their looks. But no one talking to him was sure to drive him crazy.

As he sits by himself in the Mess tent, watching Trapper laugh and talk with Henry and the nurses, he feels his mood slip further. And, as another sly, contemplative look is sent his way, something snaps within him and he resolves to do something to clear his own name, since it seems no one else will.


	27. Germ Warfare

_**(Tag: Germ Warfare)**_

"Why are we doin' this again?" Trapper asks him as they set things up. "I mean, do you realize we're essentially helping Frank?"

Hawkeye pauses and looks up at his bunkmate. "It's for the good of the patients, of course."

"Yeah, I s'pose."

"Besides, keeping Frank away from the patients _is_ what's good for them."

Trapper laughs as he opens the last can. "Hey! Here he comes!"

"Alright, everyone! Places!"


	28. Father's Day

_**(Tag: Father's Day)**_

The more he sees, the more he hates what he sees. She's a good kid and she deserves a little more than the cool regard of a superior officer. Especially from her father!

He can see how much she's hurting as she slinks away from the V.I.P. tent. Glancing over at Hawkeye's bunk, where his friend is writing a letter, he makes up his mind, throwing some excuse over his shoulder as he leaves.

He takes the mumbled response to his tap as permission to enter. Peeking into the tent, he's shocked by what he sees. "Margaret?"

"Captain Hunnicut!" she exclaims in a garbled shriek, shooting to her feet and scrubbing at her face. "What can I do for you?"

"Actually, I was wondering if I could do anything for you," he replies, stepping fully into the tent. "Are you all right?"

He thinks he sees a tear in her eye as she sniffles and turns away. "No, I-- I'm fine. Just a little something in my eye."

Reluctantly, he turns to leave, knowing that nothing will make Margaret Houlihan talk before she's ready.

"BJ?" He looks back over his shoulder to meet her eyes. "Thanks."

He smiles at her. "You're welcome."

Back in the Swamp, he exchanges a single look with Hawkeye, who'd seen where he'd been. A sour smile crosses the other man's face as he stands and opens the door. "How 'bout a drink in the Officer's Club?"


	29. BJ Papa San

_**(Tag: BJ Papa-san)**_

The warm, trusting weight of a child in his arms is enough to bring tears to his eyes. He blinks rapidly to stave them back and leans his head back against the wall of the hut, feeling traitorous moisture trail down his cheek. In the corner, the children's real papa-san coughs and wheezes and BJ closes his eyes against the harshness of reality.

_He's home again, Erin in his arms, laughing happily as he swings her in circles. He glances over her shoulder and sees Peg across the yard, grinning as she puts a pie out to cool. He crosses the yard, bouncing his daughter in his arms and leans down to kiss his wife._

The clatter of a pot as Mama-san starts breakfast wakes him, alerting him to the arrival of morning and the absence of the child he'd been holding. Stretching the kinks out of his back, he gathers his things and runs from Mama-san's sympathetic smile.


	30. Edwina

_**(Tag: Edwina)**_

"Hey, d'you hear what I heard?"

"'Bout what?"

"Guys! You'll never guess what I heard!"

"Hey! I was just about to tell him about --"

"--Captain Pierce and Nurse Eddie!"

The two corpsmen glare at each other for a second as their buddy stops chewing long enough to get a word in edgewise. "What about 'em?"

"They've got a date tonight."

"Wait, wait, wait-- Pierce and _Eddie_? Has he gone nuts?"

The three laugh among themselves at the idea of the suave captain dating such a clumsy person.

"Yeah, Alan's got twenty on whether she puts him in traction."

"Oh, boy! I want in on those odds!"

"Yeah, come on! Let's go!"

They dash from the Mess tent, sketching hasty salutes to Major Burns, who narrowly avoided being run over. He glares after them, then turns to enter the tent, muttering to himself.


	31. Love Story

_**(Tag: Love Story)**_

"Hawkeye..."

"Yes?" he murmurs against her neck.

"We're supposed to be getting ready for Radar."

"Radar, who?"

"Hawk_eye_! Would you _stop_?!" she screeches as she shoves him away.

"What's your hurry? He's still getting undressed. Speaking of which..." He moves back toward her throat, his hands coming up to pin her to the wall. She almost gives in when footsteps echo down the hall. Ducking under his arms, she runs over to prep the machine, refusing to glance over her shoulder at Hawkeye.

As soon as the lights are out, though, his hands are around her waist and his mouth is against her neck. "Hawkeye, do you mind?!" she demands as she tries to push him away.

"Keep your voice down. You're disturbing the patient."

Radar makes some response, but Hawkeye still refuses to back off, in fact tries to draw her close again. Normally she wouldn't mind, but she's on duty now and Radar _is_ standing right there. She finally manages to fling his hands away and put some distance between them.

"Really, Hawkeye, you act like such a child at times!"

His only response is to stick his tongue out at her.


	32. Chief Surgeon Who?

_**(Tag: Chief Surgeon Who?)**_

"So, what did Henry want?" Trapper asks as Hawkeye walks back in and flops down on his cot.

"Made me chief surgeon," he mumbles into his pillow, more than half asleep.

"He what?" Trapper jumps off his cot and drops into the chair next to Hawkeye's. "What did you say?" he asks, shaking his friend to wake him back up.

Sighing hugely, Pierce rolls over to glare weakly at his bunkmate. "He made me chief surgeon," he says on an exhale. "Now, will you let me sleep?"

"Hot dog! We're gonna have some fun now!" Trapper crows, diving back to his bunk, chortling to himself.

"Yeah, whatever you say. Mmph," Hawk grumbles, smashing his face into the pillow.


	33. Bananas, Crackers, and Nuts

All dialogue comes straight from the episode.

* * *

_**(Tag: Bananas, Crackers, and Nuts)**_

"Tell him, Frank. Tell him how wrong he is, that Pierce is just pulling a fast one. Or we're gonna lose him. They're gonna take him away. Tell him, Frank. Frank, tell him." He hates the desperation in his voice, but he knows Pierce, knows this is just a gag to get what he wants. Knows that the practical joking and crude humor are just Pierce's way of dealing with the stresses of their daily life. "Major Houlihan, you tell him."

He sees the look they exchange and understands that this is no longer just to 'help' Pierce but a way for them to get rid of him for good. And Henry feels the panic start to set in as she finally responds. "You mean, poor Hawkeye?"

"What, 'poor' Hawkeye?"

"Poor, sick Hawkeye?" Her tone is sad, but their attitudes are too smug to be believed and Henry knows he's lost.

But how to save Hawkeye before he is, too?


	34. Cowboy

_**(Tag: Cowboy)**_

"Henry? Henry, He-Henry," Pierce calls, snapping his fingers in front of the colonel's face.

"Yo," is the vague reply as Henry's bleary eyes finally center on Hawkeye's face.

"Okay, Henry, you're gonna be okay now. Just go to sleep." Gently, Pierce nudges the older man's shoulder, laying him down on the spare cot in the Swamp and covering him with a blanket. He stares down at the sleeping man for a moment before reaching over and switching off the light over the cot and heading back to his own bunk, where Radar is practically radiating concern.

"Is he gonna be okay?" the corporal whispers.

"Yeah. No serious injuries, just some shock. He'll be fine in the morning." Hawkeye looks over at Radar, who's staring at their C.O. "Any idea who did it?" He nods at the negative response. "Guess we better keep an eye on Henry 'til we know who's got it out for him."

"I gotcha," Radar mumbles, almost squinting to stare harder through the darkness.

Hawkeye watches him for a second before tapping his shoulder. "Tell you what. I'll take the first watch. You go get some sleep."

"Yeah, okay. 'Night, Hawkeye."

"'Night, kid." He watches Radar leave, then settles in for the night, staring at the darkened canvas overhead. "What have you gotten yourself into now, Henry?" he mutters into the darkness.


	35. Radar's Report

_**(Tag: Radar's Report)**_

It's horrible, realizing they've lost another boy due to circumstances that might have been prevented. Hawkeye sighs heavily as he turns away from the O.R. doors and glances around the washroom. He frowns slightly as warning bells start to go off in his head.

"Margaret, where's Trapper?" he questions, tugging at the ties on his gown.

She gives him a look that mingles bewilderment and condescension. "How should I know?"

The warning bells have crescendoed into full-on sirens as he suddenly remembers Trapper's anger after surgery yesterday. Immediately he rips the cap off his head and tears out of the washroom, heading at a run for the Swamp. Seeing the shadows cast by the lamp inside, he knows he was right and forces himself to calm down before quietly opening the door.

"Trapper? Trap?" He takes in the patient's tension and the rigid set of his friend's shoulders and understands in a second. It's hard to lose kids and easy to blame the enemy, especially when they're in reach, but he can't let his friend do what he's thinking. "That's not what we're about."


	36. C A V E

Not meant to be a 'shipped tag, though could be construed as one. Personally, I prefer the vague, 'maybe-maybe-not' relationship the show's writers employed.

_**

* * *

**_

(Tag: C*A*V*E)

She's never seen Hawkeye like this before. Hawkeye is never scared, not when awake and fully cognizant. It's almost hard to see him like this, to see the terror in his eyes, the skittishness in his movements, the flatness of the jokes he tries to crack. She's pretty sure it's that, the fact he's unable to laugh this off, that draws her to him. Somehow, as scared as he is, she has an idea what he was like as a child and, despite the shelling, she feels the need to comfort him.

Even here, barely within the cave mouth, she can see how unnerved he is by the situation. He rambles occasionally or, worse, sits silently, his eyes wild as he studies the cave walls. During one of his silences, she tells him her own phobia ("Just as much as you want out, that's how much I want in.") and they laugh together at the vagaries of Fate. She's relieved to see a vague hint of his usual personality in the sound of his laugh; his fear was beginning to transmit to her.

Then, as one particularly close explosion rocks the night, she finds herself in his arms, protected momentarily made protector. Despite BJ's return at about that moment, she doesn't pull away immediately, craving the reassuring warmth of his arms to hold back the terror.

Something in his eyes tells her he understands.


	37. Kim

It's hard to get into Trapper's head; that is, unless he's acting the way you'd expect Hawkeye to. :)

* * *

_**(Tag: Kim)**_

His heart's still in his throat, even now, two hours after Kim's mom came and got him. He stands and fills his glass again from the still, trying to ignore the way his hands shake. He lies back on his cot again and returns his attention to the canvas overhead.

He knows he should write his wife and let her know they won't be welcoming a son. He's too tired tonight, though, and too drunk for that to be a good idea. So he takes another drink and decides to count the stains on the ceiling instead.

He knows Hawkeye's worried about him, if not because of the kid, then because of the minefield. He doesn't really care, but he'll put on a good face tomorrow. After all, he meant what he said earlier: who wants a kid who plays in a minefield?

Who wants him...?

Damn it.


	38. The Sniper

_**(Tag: The Sniper)**_

"Why do I have to carry the flag?" Trapper demands as they watch Radar tie a white towel to a pole.

"You owe me for Nurse Eddie! I had bandages for a week after that!"

Trapper glares at him, but Hawkeye just stares back as the others look on. A sort of silent conversation occurs between the two, then Trapper's shoulders sag and he holds out his hand for the white flag.

"All right, but you're coming with me."

"Right. 'Wither thou goest" and all that," Hawk quips back.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, let's go."


	39. Dear Sigmund

As per an anonymous request.

* * *

_**(Tag: Dear Sigmund)**_

"Dr. Freedman?"

There's something about the nurse's tone and the way she won't meet his eyes clues him in first. After all, he is a psychiatrist and trained to spot these things. When she finally does look up at him, he knows immediately what's happened.

"Dr. Freedman, last night, the orderlies found Sergeant Sterne..."

Her words are nothing more than a buzz in his head as a million images of that poor kid's face flash through his mind. Saying nothing, he turns away from the nurse and heads back down the hallway, out of the hospital.

He wonders what the weather's like at the 4077th.

* * *

_Ah, dear, dear Sidney. Ah, I love him. :) The only head doctor who'd ever understand Hawkeye._


	40. Are You Now, Margaret

_**(Tag: Are You Now, Margaret)**_

She stands in the doorway of the Mess tent for what feels like ages, simply staring at their backs as they eat. She doesn't quite know what she's going to say, but she needs to let them know how much what they did means to her. Finally, realizing how foolish she must seem just standing there, she forces herself to go sit at their table.

"Margaret! To what do we owe this pleasure?" Hawkeye greets effusively while BJ sets down his coffee-cup and waits, his eyes warm and placid.

"I want to thank you both for what you did for me. You put yourselves at risk to help me and I--"

"Forget it, Margaret. It was nothing. You'd have done the same for any of us." Though brief, Hawkeye's smile contains so many unspoken words she feels tears clog her throat.

"Really, Margaret. We wouldn't have done anything else."

She manages a watery smile at their reassurances, but still tries to reiterate how grateful she is.

"Besides," Hawkeye cuts her off, a mischievous twinkle in his bright blue eyes, "I had you pegged months ago."

"What?" she splutters, confused by the sudden turn in the conversation.

"Yeah. Dr. Hunnicut," he turns to BJ and waves a hand in her direction, "meet Major Margaret Houlihan -- nurse, friend, and all around good egg."

She breaks into laughter in spite of the single tear that trails down her cheek. BJ reaches out to wipe it away as Hawkeye places a hand over her tangled fingers and, for the first time since that political goon made his accusations, she feels herself relax.


	41. As You Were

_**(Tag: As You Were)**_

For a split second, all movement in the O.R. stops as the cry carries over the chaos. Heads automatically turn toward the sound and an abrupt shift occurs in the atmosphere in the room. Breaths are held by one and all as the amazing wonder, the incredible hope of that single sound resounds within the hearts and souls of the personnel trapped in that particular slice of Hell on earth.

The miraculous, heartening sound of life amidst death.


	42. Abyssinia, Henry

_**(Tag: Abyssinia, Henry)**_

By unspoken agreement, they all head to the Officer's Club that night – Frank, Trapper, Margaret, Radar, Father Mulcahy, Klinger, and Hawkeye. They crowd around the bar in various states of grief.

Margaret, eyes red and swollen from the tears still streaming down her face, clings to Frank, who appears vaguely bewildered as his gaze skips around the room.

Radar, unashamedly clinging to his teddy bear with a lost sort of desperation, stares at the door as if hoping for a late arrival.

Father Mulcahy's lips move in silent prayer as he twists his rosary tighter around his fingers.

Klinger sits by himself at the end of the bar, his exotic silver-and-red dress wrinkled and stained from the day's session, his eyes locked on the countertop as he traces the grain with a finger.

Trapper just stares vacantly at his hands, the light in his warm brown eyes dim.

In the middle of the group, yet still somehow almost painfully alone, Hawkeye slouches on his barstool, his face grim and his eyes unusually solemn.

Silently, Hawkeye gestures to the bartender, who fills seven glasses and sets them in front of each person without a word. He raises his glass and stares into the liquid for a second, as though seeing the day's events in the lamp-lit amber glow. Glancing around at the others and seeing their glasses aloft, he stands.

"To Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake," he says into the heavy silence of the room. "Though he may be gone, he will never be forgotten."

"To Henry!"


	43. The Chosen People

_**(Tag: The Chosen People)**_

"Him Doctor!"

All eyes are on him after her words. He's frozen by her revelation and the weight of their stares. Even after everyone recovers from their shock and are congratulating him, his thoughts remain disjointed, focused only on the woman in front of him and the child in his arms.

It's not his son, but they all think he is.

And it feels good, even if it isn't true.


	44. Mail Call

_**(Tag: Mail Call)**_

He never thought Trapper would be the one to snap first, to try to run first. Trapper is always the slightly more stable one, the one Hawk could count on to pull him back from the edge. The sudden role reversal is almost more unnerving than the loaded duffelbag swinging toward his face.

He's so off-kilter, he even asks Frank for help, forgetting how useless Frank tend to be. For a second, he thinks he's failed his friend completely, that Trapper's just going to walk out of the war. Surprisingly though, Frank manages to distract Trapper just enough that he forgets his whole hare-brained scheme. Still...

Hawkeye's not getting off this footlocker until he's sure Trapper's staying.


	45. For Want of a Boot

_**(Tag: For Want of a Boot)**_

It's hilarious the lengths Hawkeye's willing to go through to get his shoes. Granted, it's freezing outside and there's a hole the size of a golf ball in his boot. But a party for Frank? And a date for Radar? All on top of the other favors?

Trapper turns away and presses a fist against his mouth to stifle his laughter at how inevitable the final collapse of all of Hawkeye's schemes seems.


	46. A Smattering of Intelligence

_**(Tag: A Smattering of Intelligence)**_

"That goof is really your friend?" Hawkeye asks as they cross the compound to start their Post Op rounds.

"Hey, I don't comment on your crazy friends, do I?" Trapper shoots back, mock-indignant at Hawk's comment.

"My friends aren't paranoid idiots playing with national secrets."

Trapper considers that for a second, then shrugs. "He was always a little unhinged." He cuts a sly look at his companion. "It seems to be a trend in my friends."

Hawkeye's howl of laughter echoes through the compound as the door to Post Op closes behind them.


	47. Rainbow Bridge

_**(Tag: Rainbow Bridge)**_

You understand you're talking mostly to yourself. After all, after the week they've have, all these sirs want to do is relax in Tokyo. But it's okay because you know they don't mind, even if they don't laugh at your jokes.

You're proud of yourself and them once their bags are packed and ready to go. It's only then, though, that you notice the silence and realize the lack of response to what you admitted just now. Puzzled, you turn around and almost smile at what you see.

Carefully, though you suspect it wouldn't matter, you cover Captain McIntyre with his blanket and pat his shoulder. You step over to do the same for Hawkeye, making sure to retrieve the glass dangling from his lax fingers before it falls. Stopping for a second, you look at them both, thinking about all they've done.

"Goodnight, Supermen," you whisper as you turn to leave, hoping that maybe, somehow, they hear.


	48. Bless You, Hawkeye

**_(Tag: Bless You, Hawkeye)_**

He doesn't enjoy it, but he continues to poke and prod as he tries to figure out this new quirk of Hawkeye's. Questions about Pierce's childhood, about his best friend, about the swimming hole he used to play in. He notices the little things - new fidgets, the sudden lack then return of his sneezing, how he rambles - until something finally grabs his attention and he thinks he's found it.

"He helped you into the water?"

Suddenly there's a change in Hawkeye's attitude, in the way he answers the question, anger and confusion that wasn't there before.

"But how did you get _into_ the water?"

And he can see the sadness and confusion and anger dawn in Hawkeye's face and he knows.


	49. Adam's Rib

_**(Tag: Adam's Rib)**_

He'd been so close! He could taste them! They were in front of him, close enough to touch, when the war decided to interrupt, tearing him away from his tast of heaven on earth.

"No! We got ribs!" he shouts as Henry and Trapper drag him to the scrubroom. "One, please! That's all I ask! One!" he moans and begs and damn-near cries.

"Don't worry, sir!" Igor promises him as he runs past him through the compound. "We'll be sure to let you know how they were!"

The scrubroom door shuts on the sound of Hawkeye's angry bellow as the corpsmen scurry away.


	50. Mad Dogs and Servicemen

_**(Tag: Mad Dogs and Servicemen)**_

It's unusual to see Hawkeye playing the bad guy. He's usually so amiable and easy-going, unless the situation makes him snap. And, as he watches, Trapper only hopes Sidney's right to trust Hawkeye with this.

At first he thinks Hawk's getting through to the kid, but all the careful prodding and leading questions get nowhere. Even across the room, Trapper can see the disgust in Hawkeye's eyes at having to be so cruel and heartless, can hear it in his voice as he shouts back at Margaret. There's a tired slump to Pierce's shoulders as he wanders back over and Trapper understands.

"Not easy, is it?" he asks quietly, anticipating the self-loathing in the response.

"D'you know Hitler and I have the same answering service?"

Yeah, he really hopes Sidney knows what he's doing.


	51. Private Charles Lamb

_**(Tag: Private Charles Lamb)**_

"Hey! Hey, Ma! Lookit what come in the mail today!"

Ma O'Reilly sets down the bowl of peas she's shelling and, wiping her hands on her apron, steps out the kitchen door to see what the ruckus is.

"Whatcher yellin' for, Ed?" she shouts as she shades her eyes with her hand, squinting to see across the yard through the glare.

In the barn's shadow, she sees Ed leaning over something. Crossing the yard, she finally figures out the big deal.

"Lordy, is that a lamb? Where'd it come from?"

"Walter sent it, remember Mama?"

"He said he had a friend comin' to visit."

"He did and it is! Meet Private Charles Lamb, a friend of Walter's come to stay a spell with us."

"Lordy be, but ain't he a cutie." She smiles broadly at her son's actions. "Well, let's put him up in the barn."


	52. Wheelers and Dealers

_**(Tag: Wheelers and Dealers)**_

A job.

A damn job.

A damn job at their favorite café.

A damn job at their favorite café serving their damn friends.

A damn job at their favorite café serving their damn friends because of the damn war.

Because he's not there.

Because he's here when she needs him there.

He tosses the contents of his wallet in the middle of the table and adds his ring to the pot, ignoring the concern in his friends' eyes, as his train of thought sets off on another round.

A job.


	53. Dreams

_**(Tag: Dreams)**_

They stay in the Mess tent for hours that night, drinking coffee, talking, doing anything except sleeping, afraid of the things that haunt their dreams.

Young men marching off to war, leaving their wounded piled behind, in the middle of her honeymoon.

A long-awaited ballroom dance that moves from the nightclub to the operating theatre.

Trips back to childhood and games of polo played with hand grenades.

Working magic in the operating room but still being unable to save lives.

Delivering a Sunday service as the Pope, in the middle of an operating room with a wounded soldier on the cross beside him.

Finally arriving home to an eerily empty city and watching his own operation through a dirty window.

Waking in the middle of a lecture and being unable to help the wounded, though he's given up his arms for them.

They stay in the Mess tent for hours, drinking coffee, talking, doing anything except sleeping, preferring the waking nightmare they know so well to the phantasms conjured by their own minds.


	54. Carry On, Hawkeye

_**(Tag: Carry On, Hawkeye)**_

The guilt she feels is nearly overwhelming. Rationally, she thinks she feels this way because of the situation within the camp. After all, when he's the only able surgeon in Korea – and she knows they've looked far and wide for a relief surgeon – and she ranks him, she knows she's responsible for him. But there's something preventing rational thinking from bringing the relief she expects.

Maybe it's her nurse's training and her dislike of causing harm to other human beings.

Maybe it's the determined, single-minded way he's dealt with this crisis.

Maybe it's the only barely dented humor he still finds so easily during surgery.

Maybe it's something completely different.

Maybe it's, "You know those rotten things I've said to you, all those nasty little tricks I've played on you? I'd like to get well and do them all again."

Maybe it's, "Margaret Houlihan -- nurse, friend and all around good egg."

And maybe, though she hates to admit it, even deep within her mind, it's because he's a good guy, a good surgeon, and something of a friend.


	55. Iron Guts Kelly

_**(Tag: Iron Guts Kelly)**_

"Can you believe that guy? 'Maj. Gen. Robert "Iron Guts" Kelly is gonna perish in a full-scale, blazing, all-out, glorious, Star-Spangled Banner-ed death!'" Trapper snorts at his own words and rolls his eyes, taking another sip of his martini.

"Well," Hawkeye replies, waving the _Stars and Stripes_ at his bunkmate, "according to this, he did." There's a second of heavy silence as they consider what people were willing to do for 'glory.'

"Then again, dying in Hot Lips' tent seems like a pretty 'full-scale, blazing, all-out, glorious, Star-Spangled Banner-ed' way to go to me," Trapper mentions drily and it takes a minute for what he said to register in his buddy's mind.

Raucous laughter fills the tent as Hawkeye slaps Trapper with the folded paper in his hand and then leans over to toast his friend's ingenuity.

"You...lushes!" Frank accuses as he enters the tent and sees them lounging with drinks, laughing at a joke he didn't hear. They both glance at Frank, then at each other, and burst into gut-busting laughter that leaves Frank staring at them in aggravated confusion.


	56. Morale Victory

_**(Tag: Morale Victory)**_

An uneasy feeling greets him as he wakes up. The doctor is kind enough as he explains what happened, but the dread growing in his chest prevents his hearing most of the diagnosis. All he can focus on in his bandaged hand and he forces himself to ask about his other injuries.

At the words "some loss of dexterity," the cold dread he's felt since he awoke solidifies into pure unadulterated panic.

"I'm a concert pianist," is all he can make himself mumble at the doctor's confusion.

He doesn't see the sudden expression of lost misery that shadows the doctor's eyes. He only sees each and every one of his dreams and ambitions shatter in a fiery inferno terrible enough to rival the one that maimed his body.


	57. Hanky Panky

_**(Tag: Hanky Panky)**_

There's something about the letter in her hands, she decides as she traces the familiar handwriting again with her finger. For the first time since he left, she finds herself afraid to open one of his letters. She's not even sure why, but her hands shake as she turns the letter over and breaks the seal.

"My sweet Peggy..."

She takes a deep breath to steady her nerves and forces herself to move past the greeting. It's nothing out of the ordinary, an account of the daily happenings at the 4077th: Hawkeye's latest crazy stunt, a brief description of some of the soldiers that pass through the camp, a commentary on the conditions in Korea, a brief mention of the trouble one of the nurses was going through after receiving a "Dear Jane" letter. All of his letters contain the same things, little tidbits about his life away from her, concluded by words of love.

This time, though, there's an almost desperate undertone to his words and she realizes that was what she's been dreading.

"No matter what happens, to you, to me, to us, I will always love you, will always want you, will always need you. Please remember that and hold tight to our love. Kiss Erin for me. Ever Yours, BJ."

Reading between the lines, she understands what he's not saying as clearly as if he'd shouted the words. For a second, she wants to hate him, to write him a long, angry letter, to punish him for what he's done. But she knows her husband, knows he's killing himself over this, that nothing she could say will make him feel worse.

So she climbs the stairs to the nursery and stands watching their daughter sleep, clinging to the promises in his letter and her love for him.


	58. The Late Captain Pierce

_**(Tag: The Late Captain Pierce)**_

Somehow, he's suspected that this lay under Pierce's polished surface. The desperation and despair; he's seen shadows of it in Hawkeye's eyes every day so, somehow, the deepening pall of angry depression weighing on his friend isn't too surprising.

The mock-wake helped a little, allowed them to laugh at this, the newest in a long line of Army flubs, but BJ knows that if something isn't done soon, Hawkeye will desert or worse – try to live up to his new status.

So he tries his best to help his new friend and hopes desperately that Peggy sent on the note he added to his last letter.

"_Dear Dad, I am not dead. Hope you are the same. Thinking of selling my clubs? Stop. Spending my insurance money? Stop. Will call soonest. Please don't worry. Your nowhere-late-son, Hawkeye."_


	59. It Happened One Night

_This tag uses the idea that Margaret's been able to control, or at least hide, her fear of loud noises during her time in the military and decided to admit it only as a way to help Hawkeye in_ C*A*V*E.

_**(Tag: It Happened One Night)**_

As another shell explodes, she's almost grateful for the hysterical patient. Calming and restraining him gives her a way to attempt to calm and restrain herself. She clings desperately to the distraction to keep her mind off the explosions, even as they rock the camp.

She hopes it doesn't go on much longer, though. She can feel her control slipping, can feel the edges of her sanity unraveling a little more with each successive concussion. She hates the thought of giving in, giving up, hates how their opinions of her will change if she does. So she throws herself into her work as the night continues to explode around them, hoping Colonel Potter will make _someone_ understand sooner than later.

Before the next shell overcomes her willpower and reduces her to a screaming, sobbing child.

Before they see her break in terror.


	60. Change of Command

_**(Tag: Change of Command)**_

Your duffel is heavy on your back as you pick your way through the rough terrain. You're almost wishing you brought a map, but that would've taken too much time and, besides that sniveling corporal, Radar, would've asked questions and maybe even told Pierce and Hunnicut. No, you think as you stumble and struggle to catch your balance, it's better this way. Let 'em find out on their own how much they need you.

It's awfully cold and dark this early in the morning, though, and you can't help but think about how warm your bunk would be or how welcome even a cup of Mess tent coffee would be. You almost consider turning back; Margaret was nice enough about the change of command. It might not be so bad.

You've actually headed a couple yards back toward the camp when you remember all the dirty tricks they've pulled on you over the years. You stop in your tracks as you think about the time they drew a mustache on your mother's picture frame and when they hid in Margaret's closet, spying. With a muffled whimper, then a deep breath, you continue on toward camp, figuring you could ignore them, for the good of the outfit. Then you recall the orders that arrived yesterday and realize that, despite all you did after Colonel Blake left, the Army hates you, too. And that's when you turn around and head farther into the empty country.

Let's see how they like not having you around for a while. They'll see; they'll get that new, regular-Army commander and realize just how good they had it. They'll be begging for him to come back.

Boy, just you wait.


	61. Dear Mildred

All dialogue comes directly from the episode.

_**(Tag: Dear Mildred)**_

"Oh... my!"

He can't seem to put words to what he feels as he stares at the beautiful creature in front of him. He took his breath away as Radar led him into the office, leaving him speechless and slack-jawed.

"It's a horse, sir," Radar informs him, in that simple, innocent way of his, and even that doesn't bring him the words he needs. He's vaguely aware of the silence in the office, but he can barely hear it over the racing thoughts in his head. Numbly, he takes the reins as Radar hands them over, his gaze briefly touching on the worn leather before skipping back up to the horse's placid eyes.

His voice is thin and shaky as he finally manages to say something. "A beautiful horse," he chokes out, tugging his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiping his nose. Pleasure simply radiates off the boy as he stands proudly next to the equine beauty he somehow managed to find. "I don't know what to say, Radar."

_

* * *

_

I know that the horse becomes female (thus "Sophie") at some later date, but in the episode, the horse is

male_, so it's male here, too._


	62. The Bus

_**(Tag: The Bus)**_

He'd been slightly uneasy since the bus broke down but suddenly, the feeling coalesces into a sensation not unlike dread. He barely pays attention to the end of Frank's story, though he knows he's missed pure gold for teasing later. He realizes that, despite reassurances, Radar hasn't come back and can't be seen from the bus.

Instantly, the weight of all those training lectures and cautionary pamphlets slams into him, followed swiftly by Colonel Potter's WWI memory and the guilty, downtrodden look in Radar's eyes, and he knows there are two possibilities for the corporal's disappearance: he's gone for help or he's been captured.

And he doesn't particularly like the thought of either.


	63. The Kids

All dialogue comes directly from the episode.

_**(Tag: The Kids)**_

"Does he really do her toenails?" Potter mutters to Pierce, too intrigued to keep out.

"His father was a world famous manicurist," the younger surgeon rattles off without missing a beat and he can't help it; he has to laugh.

Every time Pierce opens his mouth, there's a witty comment waiting to leap out and Potter can't help but laugh when it does.

The Lord knows he's tried to be firm with his people, to put up a solid, solemn front when around them. But never before has he met anyone with such a quick mind or who uses it so often. Normally he wouldn't condone it – especially since Pierce uses his wit most often against Frank. But, recently, he just can't seem to control his laughter.

"Son of a gun. You're always full of comebacks," Potter chortles, amazed that he even has the energy after 17 hours of surgery to laugh so hard.

Pierce just grins back at him and Sherman feels the pressure of command relax just a little bit.


	64. Hey, Doc

_**(Tag: Hey, Doc)**_

"Oh, what a day," Hawkeye groans as he flops down on his cot, already reaching for the martini BJ poured for him. "I swear, if I don't hear 'Hey, Doc' again it won't be the soon enough."

BJ grins at his bunkmate before offering a counterpoint to Hawkeye's chorus of complaints. "We didn't spend hours at meatball surgery, though," he points out, profoundly grateful for the respite. He'd been horribly overwhelmed in the past weeks by the sheer number of wounded that moved through the camp and the opportunity to indulge in simple cures of common ills was more than welcome.

"Yeah, but there was the sniper," Hawkeye rebuts, gesturing with his drink before taking a sip.

"Mostly okay, though, once you bribed the colonel into loaning us the tank."

Hawkeye's grin indicates a particularly cunning blow lies in wait. "What about the bottles of scotch from the British lieutenant?"

BJ's groan rings through the tent as he recalls the sickening crunch with which the bottles succumbed. "A horrible day, after all. We should mourn their passing."

He joins Pierce in a toast to the deceased bottles. "Eight years was too young to die," Hawkeye intones.

"Only the good die young," BJ rejoins and somehow the words fall wrong into the silence.

A somber air descends over them as they consider the implications of his words and the bleakness of their sentiment.


	65. Yankee Doodle Doctor

_**(Tag: Yankee Doodle Doctor)**_

A month after the film fiasco, he'd mostly forgotten the entire thing. Except for the odd joke in camp, the whole deal seemed more an insane dream than an actual attempt to document the war. Until...

"Hey, I know you," the kid on the stretcher before him mumbles blearily as Hawkeye kneels to assess his wounds.

"Oh, you do?" he responds almost automatically, glancing up at the kid's face, then down at his dogtags and not recognizing either. "Were we two ships that passed in the night?"

"Nah." The response is fuzzy as the drugs the kid got at Battalion Aid begin to kick in. "I'm not scared now. You're the Yankee Doodle Doctor," he slurs before dropping off.

Something twinges in Hawkeye's chest as the reference hits home. He's not entirely sure how he feels about having so much trust placed on him based on false heroics in a movie, but now's not the time to figure that out. Now's the time for action.

"Trapper, Cutler! I need some help over here!" he shouts, trying desperately to live up to his name.


	66. Requiem for a Lightweight

_**(Tag: Requiem for a Lightweight)**_

He can see how, at some point, Trapper had probably been a good boxer. He has the right posture, the balance, knows the moves. His reflexes are even fairly decent. Physically, he has everything it takes to make it as a boxer and it's all easy to see.

But, to the trained eye, _something_ is missing. Whether from the time away from the sport or from his profession, Trapper obviously doesn't have the spirit required to make it far and easily hold his own.

Father Mulcahy prays God will have mercy on the surgeon for, in his opinion, he doesn't have a snowball's chance.


	67. To Market, To Market

_**(Tag: To Market, to Market)**_

"Ain't it a shame," Trapper whispers as they prowl around Henry's office in the dark, trying to find a way out.

"What?" Hawkeye asks, his voice barely carrying across the room.

"That we have to swindle and steal for our own supplies."

There's silence for a beat as Hawkeye considers the statement, surprising Trapper, who'd figured Hawk'd have a quick response for the situation.

"Well, that's war for you, I suppose. Some men lead, some die, and others steal from, swindle, and cheat everyone else."

"Lousiest thing I ever heard," Trapper gripes.

"Yeah," Hawkeye quietly agrees as they continue to search the office.


	68. The Moose

This tag marks a milestone: all of season 1 has been tagged, leaving only the rest of seasons 2-11 to be finished.

_**(Tag: The Moose)**_

"Hey, Young Hi, how'd you like to go away to school?" Hawkeye asks one day.

"You don't want me anymore, Hawkeye-slob-san?" she begs, her eyes questioning.

"Ye-- No-- I-I was talking with Father Mulcahy and he knows of a convent school you could go to to learn to read and write and stuff. You wouldn't have to do this junk anymore," he hurriedly explains, waving a hand to indicate her cleaning the Swamp.

She's silent as she considers his offer, though she continues straightening Trapper's bed. The neatness her hands leave behind just about makes him twitch.

"Okay, Hawkeye-slob-san," she agrees.

"I promise you can write to us as often as you want and you can clean for the nuns and stuff and visit if you want--" Hawkeye plows forward, mistaking her acquiescence for denial, until her amused stare alerts him to his error.

"Okay, Hawkeye-slob-san," she repeats and he grins at her.

'No more neatness,' he chortles gleefully to himself, practically dancing in his seat as Young Hi wanders out of the tent.


	69. Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?

_Just over a third of the way through the series - yay me!_

_**(Tag: Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?)**_

Since the paper SNAFU wherein Hawkeye was declared dead, BJ's kind of made it a habit to keep an eye on his friend. He didn't think he'd soon forget the sickening feeling that came from seeing him lying on a stretcher in the morgue bus, surrounded by shrouded bodies. Despite the fact the man had definitely been alive at the time, BJ was almost desperate to see it not happen in reality any time soon.

So, when Hawkeye wanders down a particularly macabre and morose path in OR, it becomes a little difficult to focus on the patient on the table in front of him, to draw breath around the tightness Hawk's words bring to his chest. And as Pierce moves back into familiar 'Hawkeye' territory, BJ can't help but wonder.

How close is Hawkeye to completely losing it?

Has he been this close before?

And how will BJ cope if Hawkeye does finally break?


	70. Hawkeye

_**(Tag: Hawkeye)**_

You see Hawkeye poke his head out of the door as you honk the horn and something tells you you weren't recognized. It bothers you, that the normally keen surgeon failed to see you clearly; Hawk shouldn't have been left alone this long if he's that badly injured.

"What're you doing here?" Hawkeye demands as he gingerly climbs into the seat next to you.

"Someone had to pick you up," you tell him, forcing yourself not to panic at the slight – but _there_ – vagueness in his eyes as you put the jeep into gear and head back toward the camp. "Sorry it took so long. How's the head?"

"A jackhammer enthusiast has taken up residence in it and my stomach keeps trying to climb up my throat," he admits and the fact he says anything at all lends weight to the foot on the accelerator. "No kidding, why are _you_ here? They need you at camp."

You shrug. "Radar went with Father Mulcahy to visit the orphans and Colonel Potter said it was okay." You feel your chest unclench for the first time since the kid showed up as you pass under the camp's sign. "Besides, d'you really think I'd abandon my best friend when he's hurt?" You flash him a brief smile as you slow to a stop and people begin swarming out of the buildings at your honk.

"Thanks, BJ," he quietly offers, returning your smile with one of his own before being shepherded toward X-ray by Colonel Potter and the assembled nurses.


	71. Henry in Love

_**(Tag: Henry in Love)**_

He loves the way he feels when he's with her. When she stares in his eye, he's not pushing 50 and on the verge of needing glasses. When her arms are around his neck, he isn't lonely anymore, isn't in charge of a bunch of yahoos who'd rather be anywhere but there, doing anything but this.

But...

When he hears the familiar, loving voice over the staticky telephone line, he's all those things, right down to the ache in his hands when it rains. And it doesn't matter because she loves him anyway, because of all those things and everything else, good and bad.

He feels young and alive when he's with Nancy Sue, a hero in white scrubs and rubber gloves.

But he can be old and doddering, hunchbacked with arthritis and age-blind, plain-old ordinary country doctor Henry Blake and _well-loved_ with Lorraine.


	72. Out of Sight, Out of Mind

_**(Tag: Out of Sight, Out of Mind)**_

Even without sight, he knows he's fooled them. Overall, not seeing things isn't too bad; the nurses are willing to do almost anything for him, he doesn't have to see the food the Mess tent serves and the sounds of Korea are so much more vibrant when you can't see the squalor and filth of the camp.

But he feels so useless now. The patients think he's a joke. The sounds of war echo in his head, enforcing the guilt, self-disgust, and self-pity. And if Frank treats him like a witless child one more time, he's liable to knock his lights out, sight or no sight.

On the outside, he's handling this new handicap with finesse and aplomb.

Inside, he's screaming.


	73. Life Time

_**(Tag: Life Time)**_

It's the most horrendous circumstances she can imagine and it's playing out before her eyes.

Hawkeye with his hand in the patient's chest, literally holding the man's life in his fingers.

Clamps barely allowed to soak in alcohol before they're placed in the soldier's body.

Barely enough blood for the kid, let alone however many casualties might come.

Father Mulcahy praying for a soldier to die so they can have the graft they need.

Yes, it's the worst situation she can imagine and it's heartbreaking and gut-wrenching and she can't do anything but pull on a pair of gloves over her unwashed hands and try to help.

Margaret only hopes it'll be enough.


	74. Souvenirs

_**(Tag: Souvenirs)**_

Your eyes widen as Stratton goes flying across the room and, amazed, you exchange a stunned look with Hawkeye.

"It's a good thing Donald isn't here," Margaret slurs, picking up her glass for another drink. You lean back against the bar and watch Stratton try to peel himself off the floor, a million smart remarks on the tip of your tongue, begging for release, but you decide it's best to keep quiet. Of course, Hawkeye can't help but comment.

"Yeah, Stratton could get hurt."

"Mm-hm," Margaret agrees and you exchange another incredulous look with Hawk. Neither of you'd ever figured Margaret had it in her, let alone to not realize what she's done, and you make a silent pact with each other then and there.

You'll never do anything to make Margaret Houlihan angry when she's drunk.


	75. The Colonel's Horse

_**(Tag: The Colonel's Horse)**_

"Oh, _Hell!_"

The words stop them in their tracks, amazing them. Radar never curses, not in all the time Hawkeye's known him, so for the situation and their jokes to drive him to it is a sure indicator of how strongly he feels. Immediately the situation changes, becoming much more serious as they realize how hard the kid's taking this.

As they stare, speechless for a heartbeat, they see the realization of what he said dawn in Radar's eyes, followed by the fact that he really doesn't care.

And that, more than anything, pulls them back to the situation at hand, this time with their full concentration and consideration.


	76. Hawkeye, Get Your Gun

_**(Tag: Hawkeye, Get Your Gun)**_

"Sergeant, is that what I think it is?" the corporal yells over the noise, pointing at a jeep weaving down the road. They stare at it for a second, watching as it swerves to avoid a shell, but drifts randomly over the road afterward. Ducking to avoid debris from another explosion, they peer through the leaves to see the jeep apparently abandoned in the middle of the road. A second later, it's a pile of smoking, blazing rubble.

"It was, Corporal," the sergeant finally answers. A barrage of gunfire keeps him from expounding on the subject as they scramble to retaliate.

Bullets fly from all directions, keeping them busy and distracted. Then, out of nowhere, six shots ring out, exemplary only because the bullets hit nothing but empty air overhead. Confused and curious, they wait for a repeat and realize their combatants are gone. Rising cautiously, they head toward the bunker and the helmeted men crawling out of hiding.

Something seems off as the two strangers stumble over and the sergeant shakes his head as the pieces click together. Praying for patience, he heads over, counting to himself how long before his crew realizes what was up. Three seconds later, he wasn't disappointed.

"They're drunk!"


	77. Hawk's Nightmare

_**(Tag: Hawk's Nightmare)**_

That night, hundreds of miles away in Seoul, Sidney Freedman looks up from the session notes he's reviewing and glances around the room, a sudden feeling of disquiet filling his chest.

Frowning, he lays down his pen and picks up the clock on the nightstand. He shakes his head and stretches, trying to rid himself of the uneasy feeling almost clogging the air. Glancing again at the clock, he stacks the pages he was reading and files them away, passing the feeling off as worry over his current patient and exhaustion. Kicking off his boots, he turns off the light and lies down, though he checks the time once more. Something about the hour – o'dark-thirty in the middle of another inky-black Korean night – sends a shiver crawling down his spine. Perplexed and still uneasy, he tosses and turns, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.

An age later, the phone rings and he turns on the light to discover only thirty minutes have passed. Colonel Potter's voice on the other end, asking him to come for a visit as soon as possible, is something less than a surprise, more a confirmation, as Sidney starts making plans to head out to Ouijongbu immediately.


	78. Exorcism

_**(Tag: Exorcism)**_

"You don't put any stock in any of those things, do you?"

A blush warms his cheeks as he tries to answer the Colonel's question.

He knows he's young but, especially with the Army, he's learned the value of playing it safe. And it's Friday the 13th, so any help they can get would be worth it.

"Uh, no, I-- But, uh--" Somehow, the words he needs won't come, so he does as the Colonel directs.

And, immediately, things go south.

"I knew it," he mutters to himself. "I knew it!"


	79. Mulcahy's War

_**(Tag: Mulcahy's War)**_

The priest's face is serious, more than usual, as he silently avoids potholes and debris in the road. Radar can't help but sneak glances at Father Mulcahy as he sits turned in his seat to keep an eye on the patient on the way back to camp, marveling the whole time.

A priest! A priest riding to the front and cutting people open on the way back!

A shudder runs down Radar's back and he feels his face pale as he remembers how Mulcahy saved the kid's life and he covertly sneaks another look. Something is different in the man's eyes now and Radar wonders what it is, exactly. Not haunted, but certainly less innocent, and it makes him a little sad to see the change.

But he knows one thing for sure.

He'll never do anything to anger Father Mulcahy, not after the things he's seen him do!


	80. The Most Unforgettable Characters

I think this one kinda counts as a two-fer. ^-^

_**(Tag: The Most Unforgettable Characters)**_

He throws the bag at BJ's head and takes off running. Not for Potter's tent – they'd already agreed it would just be between them – but to get far enough away that Frank won't hear his laughter. Gasping for air and giggling, he can just barely see into the Swamp, where BJ and Frank are supposed to be talking about him, and he gives into the laughter.

'_Frank fell for it so easily!'_ he thinks to himself as he gulps in air between laughter, oblivious to the looks he's getting.

.:::.

'_Frank fell for it so easily!'_ he thinks to himself as he bites his cheek and frowns to keep from blowing it by laughing. He delivers his lines convincingly to Frank, all the while thinking about the look on Hawk's face and hoping the man will get back soon, before he loses it.

As Hawkeye 'storms' back in, he stands up with the laundry bag in hand. They yell at each other, studiously avoiding the other's gaze. He heads to the door, fighting to keep a grin off his face. Inches from freedom, he whirls and lobs the bag at Hawkeye. Their eyes meet for a second and that's all it takes. He runs full-tilt from the tent, laughing.

Frank never suspects a thing.


	81. 38 Across

_**(Tag: 38 Across)**_

A hush falls across the table, a product of their exhaustion and homesickness brought on by the child in BJ's lap.

Father Mulcahy sits quietly at the end of the table, his eyes sad and wistful as he watches BJ feed milk to the baby. The soft, longing light in BJ's gaze cuts though the chaplain. Not for the first time, Mulcahy has to wonder what sort of government would allow a young man with a new family to be sent into this veritable Hello on earth. Somewhere deeper inside, he almost questions what kind of God would allow such a thing, but he forces the dark thought away, replacing it with a prayer.

_'Let us all go home soon, Lord,'_ he begs, though his few hidden doubts make him wonder if anyone hears at all.


	82. The General's Practitioner

_**(Tag: The General's Practitioner)**_

"What'd the general say?" BJ asks as he walks into the Swamp and pours a drink.

Groaning slightly, Hawkeye stretches out on his cot and takes a sip. "Agh, I'm staying here. Finally managed to screw up front-ways."

A frown crosses BJ's face as he tries to understand the comment. "Come again?"

"What?" Pierce looks over at his friend in confusion then catches on. "Oh. Trapper and I kept screwing up in reverse. Someone would come along – a general or some other bigwig – with some reason to send us somewhere else, the US for court martial or something. But something would come up, you know, a mess of wounded and they'd see us in action and decide we were better off here." He shakes his head and swallows the rest of his drink, staring into space.

BJ watches him for a second, an inscrutable look on his face, then leans back on his pillow and gazes at the ceiling. "Well, _I'm_ glad you're staying."

"Yeah," Hawkeye mutters and a heavy silence fills the tent.


	83. Hepatitis

_**(Tag: Hepatitis)**_

"Hey, Barbara, come in here! Quick!"

The nurses scurry inside in time to see Captain Hunnicutt scale a table, wobbling more than a little in the process.

"Give me your attention," he declares and a slight lull descends. Kellye nudges her friend as BJ continues. "In celebration of the world's most difficult surgery and the world's most wonderful surgeon," the girls giggle as he strips off his tunic and tosses it into a corner, then starts on his belt buckle, "snatching life out of the jaws of death, we unveil for you now, the Hippocrates of Ouijongbu!" he announces, dropping his pants and striking a pose. The entire bar laughs and cheers at the display, the nurses exchanging speculative glances.

The crowd catches him as he topples off the table, still in his pose, and tries to get him back on his feet. Barbara giggles and clutches her hat as he grabs her and begins dancing and singing, laughing with the rest of them at BJ's antics. Kellye's eyes shine with amusement as Barbara drops the surgeon over a table and dances out of Hawkeye's way, joining her friend as they dissolve into laughter.


	84. Goodbye Radar, Part 2

_This one's double length, almost triple. Enjoy!_

_**(Tag: Goodbye Radar, Part 2)**_

It's unusual for him to seek her out. Thinking seriously through her surprise, she actually can't recall a time when he sought her out for companionship or comfort. At least, not when safe at camp.

She doesn't badger him about it, though. She understands why, even if it shocks her. They sit quietly in her tent, her flipping unseeingly through a book while he stares aimlessly at the floor or his hands. Finally, just as she begins to wonder if he'd ever break down, he begins to talk.

"It's just you and me now, Margaret," he says, still not looking at her, not entirely talking to her though he says the words aloud. "No one else is left to remember what it was like in the beginning. The heat and the shells. Working through the night by lanterns to try to make this hellhole livable." He trails off and she waits, not knowing what to say but also, somehow, knowing she doesn't have to say anything yet. She just picks at her blanket as he remembers.

"Henry died. Trapper left without saying goodbye. Frank's last screw popped loose." She pinches her lips together to hold back a comment, instead watching the shadows dancing in his somber blue eyes. "Radar left... There's no one left but you and me now, Margaret." He blinks and she sees the telltale shimmer catch the light as he finally meets her eyes.

She doesn't mention that Klinger's still there; it's too new, Klinger's sudden change in duties, too raw to be viewed in this somber light. She doesn't try to bring up Sidney's occasional appearance or Colonel Potter's war record or the solid way BJ's stuck to him since arriving. It's not what he needs now and she knows he doesn't want to hear it in this mood anyway. Sighing, she moves from her seat on her cot to kneel in front of him, placing her hands on his.

"It won't be the same," she tells him, pointblank. "It's hard, to be here for so long, but..." She lets the sentence trail off and smiles, squeezing his hands reassuringly. "We'll make out all right, I think. Just give us time." She winks as she says it and finally feels his focus shift away from his melancholy.

"We will, won't we?" he agrees, returning her smile. Seizing her hands so she can't draw away, he leers down at her, a hint of his normal self peeking through. "Wanna help me banish my sorrows?"

Grinning, she stands, tugging her hands away. Smacking his shoulder lightly, she moves to hold the door open for him. "Banish your own sorrows, Romeo," she rejoins, her tone playfully outraged.

He pauses before ducking through the doorway and looks down into her eyes, a smile lingering around his mouth. "Thanks, Margaret," he says softly, kissing her cheek before leaving.

The tears aren't as thick that night as she waits for sleep to come.


End file.
